Aug
7
Trusting in the Dark Hours
Filed by Becky Albrecht Under Uncategorized | Leave a Comment
Nineteen years ago today, Tom and I were expecting our eighth child. Our family at that time consisted of six sons and one daughter. I was coming up on my fourth month of pregnancy, so we thought that, although I had experienced several miscarriages, this one might carry to term.
Since our wedding anniversary was the next day, we went out to dinner dinner at Hoss’s in Exton, and went to the movies to see Apollo 13. I felt what I thought was a little heartburn, but thought little more of it.
The next day, however, on our twentieth wedding anniversary, things got worse. Sadly, we ended up at the Chester County Hospital, miscarrying yet again.
In my sadness, there were some thoughts that helped me.
1. I wanted to remember the pain (physical and emotional). I wanted to remember so that I would never, ever minimize someone else’s pain. Rather, because of my experience, I was better equipped to reach out to others with God’s love and compassion. “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” (II Corinthians 1:3-4, nasb). God comforts each of us in our afflictions, and then, in His Providence, provides us with opportunities to share that comfort with others in whatever affliction they are experiencing. Often because of our suffering, we are better equipped to share God’s love and comfort with them. “God does not comfort us to make us comfortable, but to make us comforters” (Dr. Jewett, quoted in Streams in the Desert).
2. I wanted to remember the fact that God is Sovereign, and in control of all things. A loving God was and is in control of every situation through which I walk. “The decrees of God are, his eternal purpose, according to the counsel of his will, whereby, for his own glory, he hath foreordained whatsoever comes to pass” (WCF Shorter Catechism #7). God was involved with what was happening to Tom and me and our baby on that day in 1995, and He was ordaining our lives (and our babies’ life) for our good and for His glory. “Will the clay say to the potter, ‘What are you doing? (Isaiah 45:9). About Moses, it is said, “He found him in a desert land, and in the howling waste of a wilderness; He encircled him. He cared for him; He guarded him as the pupil of His eye.” Though Moses was in “the wilderness”, God guarded Him as He would the most tender part of the body. He guards me in the same way.
3. I wanted to remember my friends who also experienced loss. After that day, I would sometimes picture myself sitting at a table with several of my friends… One friend had delivered a stillborn baby, never to be pregnant again. (She later adopted three children.) Another had given birth to just one daughter, and God said, “No more.” Others were embracing singleness, even as they passed childbearing years. I had carried seven healthy babies to term. Surrounded by these sisters (in my mind’s eye), if a complaint were to arise in me about my loss, it would get only as far as my lips, and then dissipate as I thanked God for His blessings, and prayed for others who suffer.
Thus, I spent my twentieth anniversary, and my final pregnancy. After carrying my babies to term, and miscarrying some pregnancies, God said, “That’s all. No more.”
My 20th wedding anniversary might be considered “the best of times/the worst of times.” However, when we entrust ourselves to God, He can redeem even what we might perceive to be, from our finite perspective, the dark hours. We will know better His blessings, and be ever thankful for them.
“Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; for His lovingkindness is everlasting” (Psalm 118:1).
